he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
do herpes really smell.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
