No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
there is puke in my bra ... again
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
