He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
