I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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