Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
