This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
