Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
