when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
