I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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