Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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