Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
