some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
