his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
