yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
