first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
