I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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