Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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