I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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