found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
