Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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