Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
