in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
