How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
