For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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