when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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