this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
