bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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