we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize