So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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