and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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