You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
