Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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