I skipped work to stalk him.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
