I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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