So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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