Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
