whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am available for nakedness
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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