I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
