We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
