why didn't you poke me back
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
