My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
