Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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