Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
