clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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