Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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