Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
