If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
