i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
