my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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