my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You did what with his pubic hair?
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