i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
