Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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