But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
