I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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