There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
