This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
