I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize