The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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