I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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