I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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