well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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