Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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