Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
