kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize