do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
