Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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