lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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