Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
