Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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