so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
