youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
