And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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