I accidentally had phone sex last night
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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