so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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